Smoke And Mirrors

Monday, April 07, 2008
Smoke and Mirrors
Current mood: focused

Hi.
I want to start this post off by thanking everyone who took the time to read into my thoughts, converse, speculate, draw conclusions about me, and above all, respond.
I’d also like to say that, although I try my best to keep my posts very open-ended, I’ve noticed that I’ve managed to piss a few people off with my words, and that was never my intention. I like to write - not for anyone but myself - but here and there, people have labeled me as an attention seeker, hell-bent on basking in the approval of my "adoring fans."
Know this; these posts are meant to serve as a window into my world, because it is my belief that many people deserve to know what goes on behind the smoke and mirrors of this lifestyle, and by spilling my thoughts onto the web, I’m attempting to open a door to those who care enough to take a few steps inside. Trust me, I consider myself lucky as hell to be where I am, (not to mention eternally grateful,) and by no means am I seeking any kind of glory, only the gratification of knowing that I let a few people feel what I have felt every now and then, which in my opinion, is the purpose of words; to convey emotion.
I’ve come to feel like I often set myself up for a little bit of trouble in attempting to be more than just a voice in a goofy band, because parts of my life - parts that would often be kept private, are spilled onto the web, and I’m essentially allowing complete strangers, and close friends, to do with them what they will.

I guess my point is this; my moods fluctuate. Sometimes I’ll write like a cynical bastard, and paint a dark portrait of myself that people will look at and assume is the norm. I’m not a jerk… at least I try not to be. I’ve been blessed with an amazing opportunity, and I spend every second of every day attempting to keep myself grounded. Some may not realize, but I often see the posts talking about the monster I’m becoming, and my response to you is nothing but apologetic. I am not perfect. No one is. I’m learning to grow into clothes that are three sizes too large for me, while trying to keep my ego from tearing the seams of this gross beanie I’ve been wearing for the past year. I only ask that you grow with me, and understand that not everything I’m going to live through and share with you, are the experiences of a good person.

We are all shades of gray.

Its been said again and again; life is a process,
we are fleeting moments that come and go,
and I’m grateful to have my time,
my aspirations and my mistakes,
my flaws and my abilities,
think of me what you will,
but before you do,
don’t.

Love you.

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